Ally Heintz » Recent Journal Entries » AboutMyBaby - online baby scrapbooks, photo albums, videos, birth and pregnancy announcements

Tue, Jun 30, 2009

Tue, Jun 30, 2009 9:38 PM
Hi baby girl, just stopping by to tell you I miss you. I keep thinking of 4th of July last year when you were officially discharged from Pittsburgh. I'm so glad you got to come home.

I was at Grandmom's today and found your little baby doll. She was in the bottom of the basket next to your bed. I swear I looked for her before but didn't see her. I brought her home with me and will keep her with your blankies. I looked though some of your books in the basket. Grandmom still had them all there, even "Just go to Bed"! I know that was one of your favorites. I remember us reading it at the hospital.

For the most part Al, your sister and I are doing okay. Everyday is hard but we still get up and keep going. Somethings are harder than others. I really seem to have a hard time at keeping in touch with people. Sometimes it is just easier to keep to myself and not have to explain how I feel or how I am doing. I know the pain of living without you will never change though. It will be just as intense twenty years from now as it is today. People who have been through it tell me that I will get used to living with it. That the pain is still there but you get used to carrying it around. I'm not so sure.

I still wake up somedays in shock that you aren't here and that I have to live the rest of my life without you. I still wake up a lot at night too. Often with the urge to go check on you in bed. The countless times I must have checked on you in the middle of the night. No wonder I never sleep! I still check on your sis though. I always pray that she dreams of you so she can remember all of the wonderful things about you. She loves to talk about you, she is always so proud to be your sister!

It was always rather obvious that you hated fireworks. The screaming, covering your ears, and the shaking pretty much gave it away. Not to mention the constant question "All done now? All done?". But I bet you will see some beautiful ones this weekend and that they will be nice and quiet so you will not be scared. Maybe they will even be all "red ones"!

I love you Ally. Keep watching over all of us and giving all of us the reminders that you are still here with us.

Love,
Mommy

Comments:
uni-brower: we are here to listen and weep with you. Ally will always be in our thoughts and prayers. take care. Love to all

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