Ally Heintz » June 2009 Journal Entries » AboutMyBaby - online baby scrapbooks, photo albums, videos, birth and pregnancy announcements

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Tue, Jun 30, 2009 9:38 PM
Hi baby girl, just stopping by to tell you I miss you. I keep thinking of 4th of July last year when you were officially discharged from Pittsburgh. I'm so glad you got to come home.

I was at Grandmom's today and found your little baby doll. She was in the bottom of the basket next to your bed. I swear I looked for her before but didn't see her. I brought her home with me and will keep her with your blankies. I looked though some of your books in the basket. Grandmom still had them all there, even "Just go to Bed"! I know that was one of your favorites. I remember us reading it at the hospital.

For the most part Al, your sister and I are doing okay. Everyday is hard but we still get up and keep going. Somethings are harder than others. I really seem to have a hard time at keeping in touch with people. Sometimes it is just easier to keep to myself and not have to explain how I feel or how I am doing. I know the pain of living without you will never change though. It will be just as intense twenty years from now as it is today. People who have been through it tell me that I will get used to living with it. That the pain is still there but you get used to carrying it around. I'm not so sure.

I still wake up somedays in shock that you aren't here and that I have to live the rest of my life without you. I still wake up a lot at night too. Often with the urge to go check on you in bed. The countless times I must have checked on you in the middle of the night. No wonder I never sleep! I still check on your sis though. I always pray that she dreams of you so she can remember all of the wonderful things about you. She loves to talk about you, she is always so proud to be your sister!

It was always rather obvious that you hated fireworks. The screaming, covering your ears, and the shaking pretty much gave it away. Not to mention the constant question "All done now? All done?". But I bet you will see some beautiful ones this weekend and that they will be nice and quiet so you will not be scared. Maybe they will even be all "red ones"!

I love you Ally. Keep watching over all of us and giving all of us the reminders that you are still here with us.

Love,
Mommy

Comments:
uni-brower: we are here to listen and weep with you. Ally will always be in our thoughts and prayers. take care. Love to all

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Fri, Jun 26, 2009 7:10 PM
Well Ally, it's been a long time since daddy wrote you a message. You being gone will never become easier.

I worry so much about your sis, and all that she is currently going through. Ash told me yesterday how unfair it was that she had to lose you, and also have a family that was divorced. She told me how lucky I was not to have to deal with that! When she says things to me like that, I have such a hard time holding back my tears. My reply to her was that she was right it is unfair, I didn't face that loss as a child, but I told Ash I was facing it right now also with her. I didn't ask for any of this pain. Ally help ease your sisters worries.

Ally the road I have traveled these last 9 months has allowed me to meet some extraordinary people. Each person has touched me in a way that has made me see myself and what I have left to offer as being something very special! I know now, that taking the time to rediscover myself and Ashley is what is going to make my life wonderful again! This time alone is allowing me to make smart decisions about life, and also continue to build my vision of keeping your life (Ally) alive!

Ally, I took my first huge step the other week at keeping your life and legacy alive, by reaching out to the GIft of Life organization. Meeting with them last week was such an incredible experience. Ally I want you to know that I will never allow your story nor your smile to die!! I want you to be proud of your daddy when that day comes, and we finally hug and you give me one of those big smooches!

During my meeting with the Gift of Life, we talked about you, Ashley, Mommy, and me. We discussed lots of ideas of how we could help others and how Ally you could help the Gift of Life raise the 2 million needed to build the new family house in Philadelphia! Yes, Al's, that's allot of money! Something tells me we can help. So ideas' are already being laid on the table, some very exciting ones!!!!

Ally thank you for watching over daddy these last few days. Having a father's day without you was tough. The day before though I enjoyed your signs to make me smile!

The first sign from you was when I was at the auction digging through a bunch of old stuff. When I reached down and pulled up a very old 1950's pin. When I turned it over, I couldn't believe what I saw! The old worn out pin read "Angel Ally"!!!! I rubbed it like 20 times to make sure what I was seeing was real! It was!

Your second sign was just as great. Saturday night before I went to bed, I was feeling a little sad. I took out a bunch on crumbled up $1 bills from my pocket to straighten them out. As I got to the last dollar, across it in big "RED" letters read, "Smile Jesus Loves You"! Of course I smiled and cried, cause I knew you did that!

Finally your third sign came the day after Father's Day. When I got to work, as I looked out the window, there on the grass was a bunch of red heart balloons! They were worn a tattered, almost as if they had flew thousands, and thousands of miles just to land at our window. They looked like the same balloons your sister flew to you the day of your funeral. All I could was stand there and stare at them, I couldn't believe my eyes!!!

Thank you Ally for watching out for daddy! I miss and love you baby girl!!!

Daddy

Comments:
Carol Graves: Jill, Shane and Ashley,
I wanted you to know you are all in my prayers. I think of you often and keep Ally's picture above my desk. She will remind me of "hope".
Stay well.

martha: Hi Shane- Thanks for the amazing update!! I know Ally is with you all-please know your family and friends are here for you.

I'm excited to hear more about your "ideas" for GOL! We will catch-up soon!

Martha

Carol Yeager: I was so glad to receive your update and I hope that your days ahead will continue with faith and also the beautiful memories that you have of Ally. I do believe that she is allways looking down on you and sending as much beautiful memories as possible. I know the love that children bring to a family and also I couldnt imagine a home without children allthough my daughter is an adult now and lives far away in Hawaii,but that doesnt make it easy for any mother or father , we miss her alot .She doesnt call very often nor do we get to chat online too often either.I wish you and your family all the good things that the Lord will offer you and allways remember there are eyes in the sky .

Nicki: Hi Shane,
I think you were right behind us at the Reading Phills the other night. I was going to introduce myself, but didn't get the oppotunity since we weren't in the seats much...our 1 & 3 yr old would rather walk around :) I think it's awesome you are all going to continue your work with Gift of Life. I want to thank you for helping me see the other side of donation...I used to think I didn't want to reach out to Collin's other recipients in case they weren't doing well or have moved on to Heaven...but now I realize no matter how long or short their time after their tranplant....every extra day was a gift for their family. We are meeting one of Collin's recipients today - a little girl who received his intestine. Hopefully one day we'll be able to meet the others, but I am at least inspired to reach out to them again thanks to Ally. She is such an inspiration. I hope she and Collin have met in Heaven.
Take care & God Bless.

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Mon, Jun 15, 2009 9:46 PM
Hi all! Just wanted give an update and let you all know how we are doing.

Ashley just finished up Kindergarten last week. I got a picture of her the last day I took her to school and can't believe how much she changed since the one I took on the first day! Her one front tooth is starting to come in (and yes I know I still need to update pictures!) She also made a trip to Knoebels this past weekend with her Daddy. To Ashley Knoebels ranks just as high as Disney World. She loves that place and I am sure we will be headed there a few times this summer!

Shane and I will be headed down to Philadelphia later this week to meet with the director of the Gift of Life program. We would both like to begin volunteering with this charity and help continue to bring awareness to the importance of organ donation. We also want to start working with some of Ally's hospitals to find families that are in need of financial assistance and can apply for help from the Angel Ally Memorial Fund.

One last thing I wanted to share is the following poem. I think someone might have posted this on Ally's site awhile back. Well, I was away this past weekend and when I flew into the airport I found a penny on the ground when I picked up my luggage. Today as I was boarding my plane to come home I bent down to pick up my carry-on bag and there beside it was yet another penny. I think my baby girl was letting me know she is ok! In my head I know that, but most of the time my heart forgets.

I love you Ally,
Mommy

Heaven's Pennies

Upon a crowded street, in a store or in your car,

You may find a penny that has traveled very far.

At first glance you question, if you should stop or pass it by,

But what you will soon discover is a wish sent through the sky.

For this is no ordinary penny,

But a child's wish come true.

Because this very penny,

Was meant for only you.

You see, in Heaven there's a playground,

Where all the children play,

They laugh and sing and dance,

And everything's okay.

In this little playground,

In the middle of it all,

Is a magic wishing well,

That stands just two feet tall.

The children all get pennies,

To send wishes through the sky,

So mom and dad will know,

They do not need to cry.

Because in Heaven there's a playground,

Where all the children say,

"We love you mom and dad,"

"We will meet again one day."

So when walking down the street or riding in your car,

If you should find a penny that has traveled very far,

You will no longer question, if you should stop or pass it by,

For you know this is your child's wish that traveled through the sky.

For this is no ordinary penny,

It is your child's wish come true.

Because this very penny,

Was meant for only you.

Comments:
Steph: Its good to see an update. Last night I tripple took, I thought I saw you and ashley, but it was just your twins!

My sister in law finds pennie all the time. ITs always on days that relate to the passing of nate and her dad. So it is sorta crazy. You guys are always in our prayers. Tell the gift of life I said hello. Before jonah I did some volunteering with them but just dont have the time now with working and him.

Take care
steph

dr kyle: love it... you're all amazing! congrats ash - that kindergarten thing is a big step - thank god the tooth is growing!!! miss u all, tell howard (gift of life) i said "hI". He is an amazing man and that is a great program!

Carol Yeager: Thank you for the update and the poem,LOVED IT. I hope all is well,I have the same feelings of the things that happen and when the thoughts come to mind that it very well could be the loved one is sending thoughts and messages to you. Keep the thought and also the faith.

Kris: That's a great poem. I have often heard people find pennies when someone passes.
I completely believe in organ donation. When my father passed away this past March, he was an organ donor. Though our loss was hard to understand, he saved the life of a man his age,weight,race so he could remain someone's dad,husband,grandfather. The man received my dad's liver and his retinaes went to another gentleman. Though his kidneys could have saved one of three possible patients,due to the lack of available airline flights to transport the kidneys,no one was saved. This broke our hearts since it would have meant so much to our family and the recipient. (our father was a Urologist and saved lives every day.) You and Shane are working for a good cause.

Janet: Thanks so much. I've always believe in these pennies! This poem helps so much.

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