Ally Heintz » May 2009 Journal Entries » AboutMyBaby - online baby scrapbooks, photo albums, videos, birth and pregnancy announcements

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Tue, May 12, 2009 9:19 PM
Just a quick update to bring you all up to speed on what is new in life!

Ash is coming down the home stretch of kindergarten and she is rather anxious for summer to begin! She just lost her second front tooth on top and she looks even more adorable than before! I have to get a picture and add it to the site. She has been busy playing outside on the trampoline with the neighbor kids at my place and when she is at Daddy's she has been busy going on bike rides! I still can't believe how good she has gotten at riding bike and it's so nice to see her making friends and laughing and playing along with them!

Ash is also still going for some counseling every other week. She loves her therapist and I can usually hear her giggling while I wait for her outside the room. Overall she is never afraid to talk about Ally and she likes to recall all the good times we had with Ally! She often asks me to tell her a story about something funny Ally had done. Ash especailly loves to watch videos of them together.

Hope this update finds everyone else doing well and enjoying the sunshine (when we see it!)

Before I go here is a little poem I wanted to share with you all. It helps to describe the grief that I feel most days.

Take care,
Jill

I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.
Some people are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by
before they think about how much they hurt.
No one deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger person.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a person who has lost a child.

Ally,
You are always on my mind and forever in my heart. We are trying to do our best though at going on with our lives but it's not easy. I always try to remember that no matter what you went through in your short time with us, you never stopped enjoying life! I can still picture you laying in the crib at the hospital with an ET Tube in your mouth, hooked up to a ventilator, and you were laughing at Mater while you were watching your Cars DVD for the 800th time! Your smile and spirit never ceased to amaze me.

I try my best to keep smiling cause I know in Heaven there are no tears and I always want you to be able to smile and look down at me smiling back at you!

Thanks for my sign the other day.
I love you baby girl,
Mommy

Comments:
Johanna: Just checking the site, and found this poem, which I think will have special meaning for some of my families right now.

Debi: Thinking of you often lately. Peyton speaks of you alot and seems to know when you are near and where you are. She tells us you are in rocket often......I'm sure you are, you are working on all the missions w/ June and Leo and Annie and Quincey. You must have so much to do now that you are feeling so well! We miss your smiling face and it will never be forgotten! Keep catching all the balloons Peyton sends to you, she sends them full of love and good thoughts for her beloved Ally!
Beautiful poem Jill.........it says it all......Love and God Bless.............

Karen Koller: I love the poem! That is the best description I ever heard regarding loss.

I'm glad that Ashley is finding joy in life and in remembering Ally. I bet she does look adorable with her missing teeth! I'll bet Ally is giggling like crazy at Ashley's missing teeth!

Karen Lenker: Saturday Torey noticed a single red ballon floating in the sky. I said- Oh my gosh that is Ally's ballon. We had such a heart warmer talk talking about all the things Ally liked. Torey plans to get a red ballon for her and send her some special Legos. You guys are never far from our hearts.

Carol Graves: I read your poem and thought about the Eric Clapton song for his late son..."No More Tears in Heaven" Ally is watching and smiling.

Deanna: Jill,
Miss talking to you. Your poem made me cry for even though Zac is still living I too feel as if I have lost the child I used to have. It has been a long and tiring journey with so many complications. I hope our paths cross again some day. I think about Ally often and miss her too.

Sue Hohl: Dear Jill,
You've described the journey of grief perfectly as I too wear a pair of those shoes. My prayers are with you and your family.
Sue

Carol Yeager: I am so glad when I get mail from you to let me know that all is going well for you and your family.I hope that each and every day gets better and better for you.Keep the Faith. God Bless

Sheila Duffy: great poem Jill. I don't think I ever saw Ally not smiling or enjoying life. One of my favorite memories was when me & MK came to see her before Christmas in the hospital and Ally had fun driving her cozy coupe all through the halls as we walked. And another is she and Caileigh on the teeter tooter swing at our house while you sang to them! Still praying for you guys!

Sandra: Jill, Thinking of you......
Love you guys so much!!!!!!

Becki: Hey Jill,
So glad to hear you guys are doing well. I love you.
Becki

Jodee Reid: HI Jill
Wow that poem is spot on! I am glad Ally is sending you signs, I guess she knows what you need and when you need it.
Happy to hear Ash is doing well.
Thinking of you.
Jodee

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