Ally Heintz » November 2008 Journal Entries » AboutMyBaby - online baby scrapbooks, photo albums, videos, birth and pregnancy announcements

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Thu, Nov 27, 2008 10:30 PM
Happy Thanksgiving baby girl! I am sure you had a wonderful feast up in heaven. No tubes, no gagging, no eighty million food allergies. I wonder if you liked turkey (you know how I feel about it! Gross!!!)? Dessert is always my favorite but you didn't really care for anything with a sweet taste so you probably did eat the Turkey!

I am getting ready to go out shopping with your Aunt Kell( I know it's almost midnight but if I can't sleep I might as well do something!). Shopping for Christmas seems kind of silly when I know what everyone on my list wants the most they can't have. I just want to skip past the holidays, somedays it is too tiring to keep moving forward with all the celebrations of life. I will make the best of it for Ash though and for me cause that's what I have always tried to do. Besides no matter how much I may want the world to stop I know it is not going to and I certainly don't want to miss anytime to make the best of things.

I am glad Ash and I are headed to Disney next week with Grandmom and Pop (not to mention your Aunts, Uncles, and cousins too)! All that chaos should be enough to keep me distracted for another week! I think Ash will enjoy herself but I know you will be on her mind alot, we know how much you loved Mickey! Make sure you join us on a couple of rides, I'll keep my eye out for you!

I love you so much Ally. I miss you.
Mommy

Comments:
D. Stinnard's Daughter Megan: I hope you will have fun and Ally will be with you on all the rides and if you take a picture with Mickey i think she might be in the picture. It was sad that once Ally got off her tubes and that she went to God but you have to remember that God has given times for when he wants you and when you and Shane go you will find Ally nice and healthy and i hope you have a wonderful holiday.

STeph: I hope you enjoy your time in Disney. I know the holidays are hard. Just know Ally is with you and you are in everyones prayers.

Lynn from MOPS: Jill -- I have little wisdom but what I do have is what I can share, what you probably already know, that the first year of holidays is the hardest. It never gets "easy" but it gets "easier" . . . and you are always and forever in my prayers. Have a wonderful time in Disney. Let those moments of fun carry you away.

The Bollingers: Enjoy your time in Disney. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

unibrower: We hope you all have fun in Disney-hopefully the weather is good. Our Ally is no longer suffering and she is Smiling. Love to all

Carol Yeager: I hope that the days will get better for all of you as time goes on.I know by all that I have read about your little girl that this is what she would say that makes her happy,just to look down and see that you are going on with your everyday routines with Ashley and that maybe you can do this for her so she knows that she hasnt caused you to be lonley and heartbroken.I guess you must think that I must be a stronger person than you but you know truthfully in my book I think you have me beat for I dont know if I could be that strong , PLEASE just enjoy the times you have with Ashley because you both need eachother more now than ever.GOS BLESS.

Mary: I was thinking of you guys all of thanksgiving and I think Ally came and stole some of our lemon bars and pumpkin pie!

D.Stinnard: Enjoy your week in Disney and hopefully the magic will make it special for all of you. Peace be with you.

Diane: Jill, Shane & Ashley -- I hope you have a wonderful time in Disney and that its magic will help to ease your pain and loss. Life doesn't stop for a second, no matter what happens. May you find peace that Ally is no longer suffering and is now smiling all of the time, knowing that her parents and big sister love her very much.

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Wed, Nov 26, 2008 1:43 AM
Hi baby girl! It is almost Turkey day! Tomorrow in school Ashley is going to dress up as a pilgrim for Thanksgiving! There are a million things that I am thankful for but I am most thankful to have been blessed with two wonderful children!

I was looking through old photos tonight and found this one of you. I am guessing the photo was taken shortly after you came home from the hospital for the first time so you must be about 9 or 10 months old. It cracks me up! There you were with two tubes in your nose, hooked to a ventilator and probably IV fluids too! Not to mention those lovely yellow eyes and horrific rash all courtesy of end stage liver disease. Yet you are still smiling!

Thanks for your smile baby it always made my day. I try to remember it every time I think of you but sometimes I just can't stop picturing the way you looked at me that final night. I wish it wouldn't have scared me so much and that I could've comforted you more. Then maybe you would have given me one last smile.

Help me to remember all the happy times Ally and help your sis so that she can keep smiling!

I love you,
Mommy

Comments:
Dayle and Dave: Happy Thanksgiving! Remembering all those special moments helps. You are always in our prayers.God Bless
Love,
Dayle & Dave

Carol Yeager: I am so glad to hear from you and also to know that Ashley is taking part in school plays.I know she will brighten your day when you see her perform in the play,GOBBLE,GOBBLE - just a little turkey humor in me I guess,I hope it made you laugh.I hope that your Thanksgiving will be a good one and that you will be with your family and,or friends.Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family.Keep smiling,you know that Alley is watching down and she sees your smiles all the time.GOD BLESS and I hope you enjoy the day.
I look forward to hearing from you all the time online.YOUR one of many online friends allways,Sissypop52@aol.com

phil h: Jill, Shane and Ashley,

Happy Thanksgiving and know that the second grade Sunday School class is still praying for your family

Kim/Angel_Wings: Praying your family has a Happy Thanksgiving - You are in my thoughts and prayers. May God bless you extra special with peace and comfort this year.

andrea horn: jill, you are an inspiration to everyone! there is so much to learn from you, shane, ashley and ally. thank you for sharing your special story. it's a beautiful gift to all of us.
wishing you and your family strength and love...

The Davidheiser's: Jill, Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family. I know Ally is looking down on you with her beautiful smile. We still pray for your family every night at dinner, and with Ally's picture on our fridge, I see her sweet face every day, sometimes I just have to give her a kiss. God Bless you all this holiday season!

Tara Hannahoe: You guys are constantly, still, in our thoughts and prayers. I know it must seem like the world is moving on and yours is standing still, so please know that we recognize that and think of you and "baby Ally" daily.

The Bollingers: Keeping you in our thoughts and prayers. Praying you will have a Happy Thanksgiving. God Bless.

Deanna: Love the pic of Ally! So beautiful... even with the yellow eyes! Happy Thanksgiving Jill, Shane and Ashley.

Christie Groover: Jill - you and Shane and Ashley will be in my thoughts, as always, for these especially hard holidays. We all know Alli is looking down on all of you and maybe she'll make these holidays' even more special with her little signs. God bless you all.

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Tue, Nov 18, 2008 12:04 AM
Hi sweetie. How are you? You were on my mind constantly today, which isn't all that different than every other day but most days I try hard to stay busy and keep distracted. Today no matter how hard I tried not to think about it, that ache for you was still there.

I guess it was only fitting I received your death certificate in the mail today. I shouldn't have read it considering all day I was borderline breaking down, but I read it anyway. How can a piece of paper explain what happened that night when every time I replay the day in my head I still can't figure it out. How could you be at the park at 4:30 in the afternoon and twelve hours later be in cardiac arrest because you were so sick! I don't understand, I don't think I ever will. I don't know why I didn't take you to the hospital Saturday, I don't know why I didn't know you were that sick! It's making me crazy.....I wish I could just hold you or just hear your sweet little voice.

Thank you for my sign today, that's about the only thing that got me through the day. I don't think any of the kids had ever really said anything to me before when I have dropped Ash off at school but that little girl today couldn't wait to say hi to me. I almost kissed the kid when she said "look at my red shirt and there's a little girl on my shirt too! With wings!" I said "wow, it's just like an Angel" and she said no "she is an Angel!"

I love you baby girl,
Mommy

Comments:
Steph: Just wanted to let you know I still think of Ally and your whole family everyday. You are in our prayers that you continue to have strength to get through everyday.

Kim/Angel_Wings: Just stopping in to let you know I'm thinking of you all and praying each day gets easier. I pray you are able to feel God's love and comfort...and that His peace envelopes you day and night.

Arlene W: Jill, I understand how you feel when you can't explain how you didn't know Ally was sick and why you didn't see it. I was with my mother the entire day. We went shopping and had dinner. Not once did I think anything was wrong. That night I rushed her to the hospital and she was gone. I blamed myself for the longest time. Why didn't I see that she was sick and that would be the last time with her. I have to look at it another way, I got to be with her on her last day. I replay that day over and over again in my head and try to leave out the ending. I got to have her for one more day. I pray for you and your family.

Deanna: Maybe someday we'll understand what happened and why we were to become mothers to such medically fragile children, but for now please continue to live each day to the fullest. You are so strong and it will get better. Continue to remember the happy times and take care of yourself.

Carol Yeager: Please know that everytime you shed a tear that Ally is looking down upon you and knowing that you are sad will only make her unhappy because now she is a whole new person without feeling any discomfort or pain . I hope that while you are trying to understand this tha you must try harder to be happy for her.I hope that you dont think it is bad of me to say this but you must try to be at peace for her so she can finally rest'My prayers and thoughts are allways with you.GOD BLESS AND GIVE YOU STRENGTH to go on as Ally would want you to do.ALL My PRAYERS ARE ALLWAYS WITH YOU.

D.Stinnard: Everyone's right you can't blame yourself. Find the smiles and the butterflies that she sends your way. Remember the fun and smiles she gave and recieved.

The Bollingers: Please don't blame yourself, you had no idea what was happening to Ally's body. You did what any other parent would have done. You and your husband are great parents. Praying for strength for you and your family. God Bless

Judi: Jill, it breaks my heart to hear you blame yourself. There is no blame to be placed on you, or your husband, or anyone who gave Ally all those months of love and happiness. For her to be so happy through all the pain she suffered is a testament to the fact that you would have done ANYTHING to help her survive. God wanted her for reasons of His own, that is all there is to it. My baby is 6 months old and is still waking up at night. I cry over Ally when I am up with my baby, and I talk to Ally and ask her to reveal herself to you because I can only imagine that is your one comfort. She is in Heaven looking over you and Daddy and Ashley, and taking care of you as you took care of her so wonderfully over her beautiful, short life. God Bless.

Sandra: Thinking of you always... I can not wait to see you Friday night!!!!!

Hilary: Hi Jill - What a wonderful sign! How great that you recognize them and revel in them. God continues to bless you and yours. Take care, h

Luann: Hang in there and continue to keep the faith. Remember you'll ALL be together one day! I think of you often even tho I don't know you. I share your grief and pain of losing a child. Ally lives on thru such beautiful memories you have with her. Don't drive yourself crazy over the "what ifs"? When I find myself doing that... I think " God does not make mistakes " !! Take care!!

phil h: May God continue to give you and your family strength during this time

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Wed, Nov 12, 2008 10:17 PM
Thank you all for your your prayers for a safe trip to Pittsburgh. Ashley and I had a wonderful time and got to catch up with many of our Pittsburgh friends. I think the weekend was especailly good for Ashley and she in general just seemed to be very happy. Unfortunately, she now has a double ear infection so please continue to keep her in your prayers.

On the home page I listed some information about a new fundraiser Shane and I are working on together, along with a new local company, Glass Tears, Inc. Glass Tears mission is to help people through their darkest hours of loss by providing a symbol of love that will cast light upon their path. We feel blessed, to have been given these symbols of love and support, to display in our homes and would like to invite others who loved Ally to purchase one and do the same. As I listed on the home page, half of the proceeds will go to the Angel Ally Memorial Fund. In the next few months Shane and I are hoping to begin sharing Ally's fund with various families who have excessive medical expenses.

For more information please go to www.glasstears.com and there when you click the glass tears link, you will find "Ally's Tear". Also if you want to read the poem that comes with the tear, please click on the poem link. If you have any additional questions, please feel free to email Shane or I at aajsheintz@yahoo.com. Thank you again for all of your love and support.

Jill

Comments:
Carol Yeager: Please keep me on your list of friends and allways remember that YOU AND YOUR FAMILY will remain in ourprayers.I specially would loke to say that you are one remarkably lady and a GREAT MOM ,I only hope that you will be able to find peace in time and allways know that we online are thinking and praying for you allways. Hope strength and faith will see you throughtlife to come.ALL MY LOVE,ALLWAYS, Carol

Meghan B.: The glass tears are a wonderful idea and so beutiful. As a Boyertown resident it makes me even happier to see that they are made at the local glass blowing shop in Boyertown. Your family is in my family's thoughts and prays everyday and will always have a specail place in our hearts.

The Bollingers: Praying Ashley will fee better soon. Happy to hear you had a good trip to Pittsburgh. I'm sure it was very therapuetic for the both of you. Keeping you in our thoughts and prayers.

phil h: glad to hear you had a nice time
Peace Be With You

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Sat, Nov 8, 2008 9:14 AM
Ashley and I are leaving for Pittsburgh this morning. We are excited to go and visit with some of our friends but I know it will be a difficult and emotional trip. Please say an extra prayer for us.

Someone sent me this poem written below, and it gives me a lot of comfort. Shortly after we arrived at duPont that last night I took Ally to the hospital. I kept thinking how are we going to do this again, why can't she just get a break, life should not have to be this hard for a little girl. In the last 30 minutes of Ally's life I watched her struggle so much and in her short life she had to work so hard to just stay alive. Maybe God thought the same thing and maybe he thought the lessons she could teach us here on Earth were over and that it was just time for her to rest.

Thank you all for your love and support. We are all forever grateful. Hopefully this poem brings you as much comfort as it does for me.

Jill

"God saw she was getting tired
and a cure was not to be.
So he put his arms around her
and whispered "come away with me."
With tearful eyes we watched her
and saw her fade away.
Although we loved her dearly
we could not make her stay.
A vibrant heart stopped beating,
loving hands are put to rest.
God broke our hearts to prove to us,
He only takes the best."

We love you Ally!

Comments:
Kristen Allen: Jill, Shane And Ashley,
This poem pretty much says it all. Good luck in Pittsburgh. My thoughts and prayers will be with you. I pray to Ally every night to continue to watch over you and your family.
Kristen Allen

unibrower: Thank you for sharing the poem with us. We hope you have a nice time in Pittsburg. You all are in our thoughts & prayers- Lots of love to you all

The Bollingers: Hope you and Ashley have a good time in Pittsburgh. Praying your trip is safe and peaceful. The poem is so pretty and I can understand why it give you peace. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

Deanna: Jill,
Thanks for sharing that beautiful poem. It sums up our feelings so well. I hope your trip to Pittsburgh was fulfilling... I know how hard it must have been. Hopefully we will see each other again in Baltimore or Philly.

Carol Yeager: I was so touched to hear that you can find peace and comfort from the E-Mails that all your friends sent to you ,I guess maybe now you can see just how strong you can be and that I know in someway that Ally knows that too Allways remember that she can see whatever youare doing wherever you are.Please find comfort and peace for her sake,I am sure that she would want that for you ALL MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU every day and night.

Marcy: Jill and Family as soon as i read that it gave me chills but please know god is with you and he is always! You been through alot with her and she with the lord he will take good care of her.

Jodee Reid: HI Jill
It was so good to see you last night. This poem sums up words that I myself have not been able to find to tell you how sorry I am that Ally earned her wings. Thank you to the person who sent this to you and thank you for sharing it with us.

phil: Hope you had a nice time in Pittsburgh.
May the poem grant you peace and comfort during this time

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Thu, Nov 6, 2008 1:20 AM
Another one of those sleepless nights! They seem to pretty much be the norm lately. I haven't written to you in a little while baby girl. Probably because most days I have just been too upset. I know you know that I think of you constantly and that I am always missing you. I am trying my best to be strong and stay positive but some days the sadness just kind of takes over.

Going back to work this week has been hard. I guess I never realized how much I talked about you and Ash to all my patients. Now I just don't know what to say to them. I can't stand to pretend like you never existed and I definitely can't speak of you as if you aren't here anymore cause I know you are always with me. It's just really hard to be around so many people who didn't know you, it is impossible for me to describe to them how wonderful you are.

I think most days I am saddest for Ashley, I just wanted her to have you forever. She loves you so much and took such good care of you. Its all of the little things in life that she will have to go through without a sister that really makes the pain of losing you even more unbearable.

Ashley did seem to have a pretty good Halloween though. It certainly was different for her considering since you were born we have spent every Halloween in the hospital! Not that Ashley ever complained about that because it usually meant twice the amount of candy and goodies! I am glad they did a parade at her school so at least she still had something different to look forward to.

I keep remembering Halloween last year in Pittsburgh. Patti bought you that beautiful Alice in Wonderland costume. Logan was the pirate and you guys exchanged pictures since you couldn't trick or treat! That was also one of the first days I say Tamiya, she was hanging out in her Jasmine costume! Ashley had such a blast too becuase she went to Jack's house to trick or treat in his neighborhood. I am glad we have so many great memories!

I miss you sweetie, please come and visit me soon. Everyone keeps telling me to watch for signs that you will come but I want you here now! I know your busy though watching over all of your friends. Please help to heal Anthony's pain, help John's drainage to slow down, and help Zachary get adjusted to life back at home! Don't forget to help all of their families too we know how much hard work they do and the strength they need to do it all.

Keep watching over Ashley let her know that its okay to be sad some days and that its also okay for her to just be a kid. Make sure she understands that she doesn't have to be strong for Daddy and I.

I love you baby girl,
Mommy

Comments:
Sarah-7 North CHP: I remember how adorable Ally was in that alice costume...she seemed so proud to be wearing it. She really did make everyones day brighter. I am lucky to have taken care of her. I also remember Tamiya and her belly sticking out of her costume ha, and how caring and friendly Ashley was to her. Another one of my favorite memories of Ally was last year on Christmas Eve, she was sooo excited at the thought of Santa coming. I was her nurse that night and in the early morning her dad snuck in while she was sleeping in put presents in her room. I was so touched by that, and I secretly wanted her to wake up before I left so I could see the look on her face. I'm sure it was priceless! I think about your family often and you and Ally will continue to be in my prayers. We miss her. xxoo

the Davis': Stay strong all of you, we are praying for you at every meal and at bedtime. Ally has touched so many lives and continues to spread her joy. I am just amazed at how she seemed to be always smiling!! She is helping you through this, keep the faith. It is awesome that you worked so hard to give her so much fun and experiences and made all those memories for Ashley. You are totally tremendous and exceptional parents!

My Ally put red rubberbands on her braces in honor of your Ally. We send our hugs, love and prayers to you all.
Jenn

Sandra Kerr/Agape Girl: You know, I do not know you or your family yet I think of all of you daily. I wish there were words to make all of the hurt go away, but there is not, if there were I am sure all who know you would speak them to you over and over again. The only thing I can think of to say is thank you for giving such gift to the world being your children, they truly are gifts to be loved and you do such a great job of that. Also, you will be reunited physically with your sweet baby again and it will be FOREVER, right now you are only together spiritually, you have wonderful memories hold on to them. Let the hurt out, it is ok to let it out, matter of fact you MUST let it out. Please know that I am praying for all of you and I trul thank you for sharing your family with me and everyone. Please also hold on to the fact that you all will be together forever--no pain, no tears -- only joy, pure joy. God Bless all of you, I am praying for you and I think your husband and youself are so special and beautiful, the way parents are meant to be, I thank you for that. Love in Christ, Sandy

Deanna: Jill,
You are always on my mind... the strongest woman I know. Ally's picture popped up on our screen saver today... I miss her smile. So glad you are thinking of the happy times. Love ya and call if you need to talk.

Carol Yeager: I am constantly thinking of you and your family and how you all are coping I do hope that each day will get better somehow for you . I do believe that Ally would want that and just knowing it will let her rest more peacefully.God Bless you.Take care and please feel free to write whenever you need to , we all are here for you and we will allways be here to listen.Take care and again GOD BLESS

Vicki: Just because someone passes away it doesn't mean your relationship ends~ An exert from the book "Tuesdays With Morey". You should not have to worry about not talking about your Ally, you can talk about her as much as you want to, whenever you want to. This is your time to work through this. You should not have to worry or be concerned with what others think. You will work through this in your own way and your own time. You will recover one day and the memories will always live on. Always, any mother knows.

The Davidheiser's: Jill, it is comforting to hear your feelings in the letters you write to Ally. I have her picture from the service on our fridge, and think of her, and your family, every time I'm in the kitchen. It makes me sad to know she is gone, but it also makes me very happy to see her little face and be glad that I got to know and love her. She will always be with you in your heart and memories, and people understand that maybe some days you can't talk, and other days you really need to. You are always in our prayers and Ally lives in everyone that knew her!
Keep your strength and faith.

Sherry Strock: Jill:
I think about you and your family every day. My thoughts and prayers are always with you. Just be yourself and let whatever your feeling out. You may be surprised at how many people that you see at work are going through or have gone through what you have. Maybe even hearing about Ally could help someone. We love you all so very much.
The Strocks, Bill, Sherry, Zach, Miranda and Dominic.

Kirsten Yarnall: Jill,Just let yourself be sad. I don't think anyone expects you to just move on from this at the snap of your fingers. Ally is your child. Her passing does not change that. God sent Ally to you and your family for reasons far beyond our own understanding and you should never feel badly for wanting to hold on to that desire for closeness to her. She truly does have one of the best seats in this world to watch over all of you and she IS helping you through this. She will continue to help you, Shane, and Ashley through this. She wants you to be happy and to enjoy your days here. To be that phenomenal Mommy to Ashley like you have always been to her. She knows you hurt right now. She also knows your strength in facing everything that comes your way. She saw it with her own eyes. Honor her and her life by continuing to be you. Sad when you feel sad. Strong when you feel strong. Happy when you are filled with joy over something. I can't say what feels "normal" after what you have lost. All I really know is that God somehow gives us the ability to keep getting up and moving forward no matter what we endure in life. It feels different and is, without doubt, more difficult but somehow He helps us to push forward. I will continue praying for you and your family. Know that there are many of us here. Available when you need us. We love you.

Kirsten

The Bollingers: Keeping you in our thoughts and prayers.

Eileen: I love the idea of the tree for Ashley to take care of like she took care of Ally. Hope you get to see her soon in your dreams

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