Since Ally was born I have written an update at the end of every year to say how fortunate we are to have Ally in our lives. This year is no different! Everyday I thank God for every moment that we had with Ally. Do I wish we had more time with her? Every second I wish for that! I think the thing Shane and I struggle with the most is "Why?" I don't know if that will ever change. I want to share a story with you that Shane had found and had shared with one of Ally's surgeons. Maybe it helps explain the "Why" just a little.
"Tomorrow morning," the surgeon began, I'll open up your heart..." "You'll find Jesus there," the boy interrupted. The surgeon looked up, annoyed "I'll cut your heart open," he continued, to see how much damage has been done..." "But when you open up my heart, you'll find Jesus in there," said the boy. The surgeon looked to the parents, who sat quietly. "When I see how much damage has been done, I'll sew your heart and chest back up, and I'll plan what to do next." "But you'll find Jesus in my heart. The Bible says He lives there. The hymns all say He lives there. You'll find Him in my heart."
The surgeon had had enough. "I'll tell you what I'll find in you heart, I'll find damaged muscle, low blood supply, and weakened vessels. And I'll find out if I can make you well." "You'll find Jesus there too. He lives there."
The surgeon left. The surgeon sat in his office, recording his notes from the surgery,"...damaged aorta, damaged pulmonary vein, widespread muscle degeneration. No hope for transplant, no hope for cure. Therapy: pain killers and bed rest. Prognosis:," here he paused, "death within one year." He stopped the recorder, but there was more to be said. "Why?" he asked aloud "Why did You do this? You've put him here; You've put him in this pain; and You've cursed him to an early death. Why?"
The Lord answered and said, "The boy, My lamb, was not meant for your flock for long, for he is part of My flock, and will forever be. Here in My flock, he will feel no pain, and will be comforted as you cannot imagine. His parents will one day join him here, and they will know peace, and My flock will continue to grow."
The surgeon's tears were hot, but his anger was hotter. "You created that boy, and You created that heart. He'll be dead in months. Why?" The Lord answered, "The boy, My lamb, shall return to My flock, for He has DONE his DUTY: I did not put My lamb with your flock to lose him, but to retrieve another lost lamb." The surgeon wept. The surgeon sat beside the boy's bed; the boy's parents sat across from him. The boy awoke and whispered, "Did you cut open my heart?" "Yes," said the surgeon. "What did you find?" asked the boy. "I found Jesus there," said the surgeon.
Thank you to all the people who helped support, love, guide, and care for Ally, Ashley, Shane and myself throughout this past year. My thank you list continues to grow and someday maybe I will have the strength to tackle it. But for now thank you to all the doctors, nurses, and hospital staff, teachers, co-workers, clergy; friends, family, and an entire community for everything you all have done for us.
A special thank you to all the nurses, doctors and staff who worked so hard to save Ally on the morning that she went to be in Heaven. I am constantly haunted by the images of that day but I take great comfort in knowing that you all loved and cared for Ally so passionately and that now she is forever at peace.
I love you baby girl,
We are planning to start the new year off on a good note so look for a great update New Year's day with some exciting news! Wishing everyone a very happy, healthy, and safe New Year!